My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
