the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
