Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
