when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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