if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
