I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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