you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize