I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
