Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
