like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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