He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
