the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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