make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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