I'm jealous of your bromance
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
