My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
