You really coming over, don't trick.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
