I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
