Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
