I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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