I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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