Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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