I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
