she was so not down for the gang bang
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dignity is for republicans.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
