I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize