You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
