so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
