I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize