she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
