Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
