So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
