So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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