her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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