So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
