I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
