and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
