is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
one might say we're banned from that church
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
