last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
