Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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