im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
