i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
