I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
4 words: hood of his car
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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