I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
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