my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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