I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
