Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize