look no pants
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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