she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
MIDGETS
????
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
