He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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