Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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