FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize