Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
