i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
