I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
