Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you didnt know i had herpes?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
