She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
