He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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