I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
