Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
