You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
