Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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