I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
