He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize