things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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