Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
