I was born with a shot glass in my hand
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
nutella sex= disaster
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
this is an emotional support booty call
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
