i think i have herpe
just one?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
