i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
