I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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