Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
