remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i've created a new STD.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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