I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
