The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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