Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
