I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
