i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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