Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish i was in the wii world.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
