you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize