shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
