Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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