i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
