Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
