I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
