you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I've blown a few things in my day
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
