he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize