Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
