Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
