Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
