I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
