I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
