the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
