I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Boobs are out for the taking
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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