Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
