Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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