just tell him i said nine months
you would pick up someone in the library
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
