doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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