Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
