getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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