its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
