Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
