I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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