Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
