Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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