never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
