I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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