i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
