Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I want her autograph on my taint
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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