just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
